What even is Meghan Trainor? Seriously though. Her existence as a pop star baffles us. It feels like someone has accidentally given a songwriter centre-stage, and rather than do the right thing like Rachel Platten did and fade out after one hit, Trainor seems to be aggressively trying to convince both us and herself that this is an actual thing. (Seriously, watch one of her TV performances. We actually feel threatened.)
If Title felt like a soundtrack to a kids party, Thank You feels like the sort of try-hard, faux-badass showcasing that a cavalcade of mid-teen prom girls might blare out of a pink limo at 5pm on their way to the community hall. And there’s probably one decent stroke of songwriting here – Watch Me Do rollicks like the the soul legend it references, but rather than go full James Brown she happily throws over some unnecessary vocoding. The state of modern pop, everyone.
In her defence, Trainor seems like she’s having an absolute ball doing whatever she’s doing. “If I was you I’d wanna be me too,” she sings on Me Too, a song that even LMFAO might have turned their nose up at. We’re thrilled at her message of empowerment throughout the album – Better and I Love Me are probably a pointed hit at reviews like this – but when she sings “I deserve better” it’s hard not to empathise a little bit.
Again, our first question stands: what is Meghan Trainor? Is she trying to proffer this feeble excuse for feminist pop in an age where we have Beyonce? Is she trying to suck us in with sympathetic balladry? Or is she just a girl having the time of her life and not giving a fuck about how it sounds to the rest of us? Whatever the case, she certainly feels surplus to requirements in today’s pop landscape. Thank You, Ms Trainor, but no thank you very much.